Two Shall Become One
Learn more about the covenant of marriage and God's design for sex. There is more to sex then pleasure, pregnancy and STD's. This is the truth given to you in love, it may sting a little but it will help your quality of life.
Warning: There will be talk about sex, but not in a derogatory way, but in the way God designed it in the context of marriage.
I volunteered and worked at a pregnancy resource center for a total of six years. It was very hard work, yet I loved helping, crying with, praying for, empowering and educating all the various girls, women and men that came to the center. Those who came to the center would bear their hearts to us, we knew more than their families and loved ones at times (there was a strict confidentiality agreement in place as well).
What was so heart breaking was how common it was for these young ladies (ages 13 – 21) who were pregnant or had young children to be sad, depressed or heartbroken because of the baby’s father. The common themes were he was in jail, absent, abusive, sired other children around the same age and/ or not “ready to be married”. These ladies didn’t know those feelings were caused from the bond they made by having sex was broken. Many aren’t taught the truth about sex and its emotional and physical consequences, more than pregnancy and STD’s.
The topic of bonding and pre – marital sex is very lengthy (a whole books worth), so I will talk on one main point to illustrate. The neurochemical Oxytocin is important to bonding and healthy sex. It is found in both sexes but is primarily active in females. Oxytocin is released when there is meaningful or intimate touching with another individual, sexual intercourse and other reasons that are beyond this post. The action of oxytocin for these reasons are bonding and trust in the other person.
When two people touch each other in a warm, meaningful and intimate way oxytocin is released into the woman’s brain. Oxytocin does two things: it increases a woman’s desire for more touch and causes the bonding of the woman to the man she has been spending time in physical contact with. This often leads to sexual intercourse, the most intimate of physical contact. With sexual intercourse, the woman’s brain is flooded with oxytocin, causing her to desire the same type of contact over and over again, producing stronger bonding. This bond is real and cannot be undone without great emotional pain. It causes the brain cells to bind individuals together.
However, Oxytocin doesn’t care about the character of the man a woman is with. It is an automatic chemical process of the brain. It can cause a woman to bond with a man that she knows is not the right man for her, making it harder for her to separate from him.
I am not trying to make anyone feel guilty, I am giving you knowledge to make the right choices for yourself and your future, to live an abundant life. Take your time and wait to have sex until you are married. If you are having sex, stop until you get married. If your man gets mad about it, then maybe he isn’t right one for you.
This also has implications for men as well, but I am focusing on the ladies. There are more consequences that happens emotionally and physically when you have premarital sex, especially when you are under 20. God knows what he is doing!
As stated before: this is very lengthy, and I go very in depth in my book. One of God’s design for sex to be in the context of marriage is bonding. This bond helps to keep the man and woman together in relationship, a long-term connectedness, to raise children together.
Genesis 2:24 (NIV) says, “That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.” When a Husband and wife have sexual intercourse they become one, a unit, a sense of connectedness, the other part of a covenant. You go through life together working in tandem through problems, good times, sad times and ordinary times. It is a connectedness like no other.
With God in your marriage it will not be easily broken. Keeping a right relationship with God makes your marriage stronger. If you would like to know more about having a relationship with God, please contact me at Christina@SheWhoHonors.com , go to a good Bible based church, talk to a true Christ follower you may know. Next Wednesday will be the third and last part of the marriage series: Sacrifice.
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Christina Leeman MPH, CHES, writer and educator emboldens Christian women to live lives worthy of God.
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